Being there.
The risk of sticking your neck out for someone who you trust is that they will let you down.
The risk is not sticking your neck out for someone who you trust is that you will let yourself down, knowing that you could have helped but didn't. Trust until or unless trust has been broken.
Everyone needs help once in awhile, and everyone is in a position to help once in awhile.
Being there for eachother is a gift well given and received.
How do you learn not to trust those who do not deserve it? Or doyou'just keep on trusting them with hopes that they will learn to be trustworthy?
ReplyDeleteThat's a fantastic question, thank you. There's an old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." People do reveal themselves in time to be trustworthy or not. It's up to us if we decide to keep trusting them or not. A compulsive liar rarely quits if caught, but instead becomes a better liar. A thief rarely stops stealing when caught, but instead learns to become a better thief. For the most part, a person who lies or steals does so because they think that it's easier and more worth it to do so than to not. It's only when they lose something enormous because of their actions that they may finally realize the cost of this behavior. A liar losing their partner or best friend. A thief losing his or her freedom...and still there's no guarantee. The danger in repeatedly trying to trust someone after you know you cannot, is that you may then try to stay one step ahead of them, become a detective, or question everything they say and require proof for trust. This way of thinking, however, is not self-contained. It will spill over into all other relationships, work, friends, strangers. It can damage perfectly good relationships, and results in a person who mistrusts so very much. Each person, each relationship is different, and it's only up to you to decide when enough is enough. If a relationship is bringing out in you anxiety, pain, and damaging your self-esteem and your other relationships, you have to question...is it really worth it?
DeleteMy question arose because I have a person whom I consider a really terrific friend. He has talked through numerous hard times in my life. He always seems to be so upbeat and turns my down moods up with his truly wise words. The trust issue comes into play because I have loaned him quite a few thousand dollars..not expecting to be paid back. I honestly do it because he has been a very hard spot financially and I am able to loan it to him and am greatful for all his moral and mental support. My trust issue is...is he doing this just to get the money for me......in my heart I don't believe that but my brain or maybe lack of confidence in myself and or lack of self esteem tells me he is using me. How do I really know the truth? Does it really matter I ask myself since I would do anything to help him.
Deletei figure as long as you risk to help,assist or just put your neck out is all that matters x life is a risk, i'd rather try and help than sit back later and regret that i didn't x In life there are always gonna be people that let us down,break our trust,lies,hurt maybe even steal, we will never NO who they r until it happens (just make sure ur not!!!!), all that matters is that you did your bit in assisting the universe for the greater good , if you get shit on afterward atleast you NO for next time x i mean you can always sit back,wait n regret that you did nothing x i no what side of the fence im on....
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteHow do the most deceitful people, who cheat and hurt others and alter lives forever, find the audacity to talk about trust? Trust is earned by beng honest, moral, and unselfish. If someone initiates a relationship with a married man, for example, excessively telephones him, etc., and knowingly tries to break the ties of a marriage and family, are they deserving of TRUST?
ReplyDeleteis earned, by being ethical, honest, and kind not by entering into immoral relationships for selfish purposes.
Ultimately, the marriage is between the two who entered into it. Or not even a marriage, but a committed relationship. If a person tries to break up a relationship or "steal" a partner, their issues are likely lack of consideration, the desire to "win" something that seems a challenge, and they really aren't even thinking logically. If they manage to get a married person to cheat with them, then that person has identified themselves as one who cheats. That will happen to them one day as well. I believe that saying is, "If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."
DeleteFrankly, I find adultery to be a criminal action. The wife and children are the victims of a person who cannot be trusted whom they don't even know. That person swoops in and commits a crime, the same as if they raped someone or drove drunk and crashed into someone. They should have consequences and should be punished. Then I believe people would value the word TRUST more, because there would be less unethical acts such as these.
ReplyDeleteBoth the cheating spouse and the other man or woman are guilty of deception. It's not fair to the non-cheating spouse, because they in that moment deserve someone better, but have no idea of the truth of what's going on. Lies are ultimately a waste of life. If the cheating spouse wants to be with someone else to the point that they're going to be, they should leave their non-cheating spouse and open the door for someone who appreciates them to come in. If they're having doubts or thinking about cheating, they should go to counseling or try to improve their marriage before just tossing it aside. But once they cheat, that's much less of a possibility. Life is too short to be wasted.
DeleteI totally agree with you about that. I know a woman who aggressively went after someone's husband at work--flirting and seducing him. Then she intentionally initiateed an adulterous relationship with him (and of course the husband was horribly guilty of allowing this creature to enter his life and hurt his family). She called the man on average of 60 times per month, even when he drove back and forth to his family on weekends. He and she knew about the lies and deception, but the innnocent, honest, and good wife and children didn't know. Both cheating parties were liars that worked together to break the marital bonds of trust and monogamy. In the case of my friend, the cheating woman later complained about losing the trust of the man she cheated with. How sick is that? What is wrong with the world we live in that people don't have to be accountable for the long term emotional and financial devastation they bestow on others. If you live in a no fault divorce state, the law doesn't care about adultery, even if the adultery financially devastates the noncheating spouse. It is time to change the laws and hold dysfunctional, sick people for their role in devastating other people's lives. And certainly, the cheaters have no right to complain about issues of trust.
ReplyDelete